| Cintra Wilson: Russian Spies Gone Wild |
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| Written by Cintra Wilson | |||||||||
| Tuesday, 06 July 2010 17:00 | |||||||||
These Russian “spies” are really spicing things upWhen asked about his first impression of George W. Bush, Karl Rove once said: “Huge amounts of charisma, swagger, cowboy boots, flight jacket, wonderful smile, just charisma — you know, wow!” I always thought this was an interesting glimpse into the wall paneling of the Rovian brain: Karl, being a soft, balding, pig-chested boy, is quite cynically convinced by the hypnotic power of good looks. I was in the U.K. when the news broke that the FBI had busted a Russian spy ring. London newsstands were suddenly flush with pictures of 28-year-old Anna Chapman, salacious headlines like “The Redhead Under The Bed,” gratuitous multi-page layouts of the come-hither shots she posted of herself on Facebook, and articles featuring ridiculously juiced-up, hack-journalistic attempts to fashion Ms. Chapman into a “real life Bond Girl” with a “Victoria’s Secret body” who “partied with billionaires.” Pundits on the BBC were puzzled and even skeptical of the sudden spook roundup, because the case was so absurdly thin. Peter Krupp, an attorney for one of the Russians, quipped that the evidence against them “essentially suggests that they successfully infiltrated neighborhoods, cocktail parties and the PTA.” Prosecutors were unable to level charges more interesting than money-laundering, and news reports were fluffed up with embarrassing Nancy Drew details like invisible ink and Morse code. Journalists on both sides of the Bering Strait agreed that the timing was fishy, and theorized that on the verge of the U.S. pushing the “reset button” on its relationship with Russia via the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty, American hawks (read: old cold warriors in bed with the military industrial security complex) were using their suction with the FBI/CIA to try to rekindle their love affair with their favorite old enemy. To wit: Lookie! Bad commie boobies! Any senators addicted to the war profiteering gravy-train could use the spy ring bust as a pretext for not ratifying the START Treaty, and derail the whole process of arms reduction. Why, after all, would the world’s most shameless arms pushers want to kill that cash cow? What self-respecting vampire in the Pentagon could possibly support Godless heathen communists leeching Americans of their precious bodily fluids? You could just see the old gang, hanging out in Dick Cheney’s secure underground information clubhouse in Virginia, waxing nostalgic for the glory days of symmetrical chessboard warfare, when men were men and nobody had to suck on Uncle Rupert’s lapels to ensure the continued production of F-22 Raptors. The whole story has the same sticky pubescent donut glaze as other incidents of Rovian domestic propaganda: There’s always a pretty face involved. Remember that time naughty Karl tried to sell us John McCain by strapping him to Sarah Palin? Or that time he tried to sell us the war with that “Saving Private Jessica” damsel-in-distress? How about the Pat Tillman cover-up, starring that handsome football hero with the manly jawline? Just when you thought Russia wasn’t sexy anymore: Schwing! Anna Chapman! The hot new face of the old cold war! She’s a real redheaded Ruskie, all pinko inside. You can just see Karl sneaking off to the men’s room with that FBI file, getting his panties all wadded into a neo-McCarthyist twist. Karl Rove’s snickering, fidgety, adolescent non-sophistication when it comes to matters of human sexuality is the thing that prevents him from being a truly effective propagandist. Goebbels would never have so many telltale stains all over his Star Wars sheets. Anna Chapman may yet be the face that launches a thousand missiles, even with Rove’s peanut-buttery thumbprints all over her headshot. But even New York Post readers weren’t quite swallowing this one. “She looks like a spy,” wrote commenter ‘hannaschmitz.’ “but not the angelina jolie type of spy, the starbucks laptop spy with tacky clothes and a bad do it yourself hair dye job.” Jah. Write to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Questions or comments? Email
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| Last Updated on Wednesday, 07 July 2010 17:46 |